Things I Learned From My Students #3: Special Pre-Grading Edition

It's time for official grading and internal inspections. Which means I'm getting assessed on the quality of my teaching. Eeeeek!! So here's a mid-term edition of TILFMS:

1. Once you use a "That's what she said" joke in front of your adult students, they will sprinkle each biology class with a liberal serving of the same joke.
   
2. You will actually find that even the topic of tropisms in plants can be made more interesting with a "That's what she said" response from a student.
   
3. Even grown-up students like to do silly experiments growing broad beans in glass beakers.
   
4. Nothing gets a kid interested in chemistry quite like turning a liquid phenolphthalein pink.
   
5. Students sometimes need to dress up in a lab coat and goggles to feel like real scientists.
   
6. PowerPoint can be used to make multiple choice quizzes and it looks amazing!
   
7. The word "pussy" is rude and must be asterisked to "pu***", yet "dick", "tits" and "ass" are all perfectly acceptable labels for diagrams showing male and femal sexual characteristics.
   
8. The poor darlings have never heard of the word "vulva", but have heard of a Volvo.
   
9. Sometimes a badly-behaved class is much more fun to teach than a well-behaved quiet group.
   
10. Having a student assert that the male cancer cell she is examining under a microscope is from "ballsack cancer" doesn't actually affect how an observer thinks the lesson went.
    
11. Students who speak English as a second language really like simple, clean jokes, e.g. "What do you call a fish with no eyes?" "A fsh." It helps that they were learning about follicle-stimulating hormone at the time.
    
12. The increase in admin and paperwork sometimes makes the job less fun, but the contact time with those kids balances it out and then some.
    
13. Mimosa pudica plants are amazing.
    
14. If you avoid scrolling down to the comments, YouTube has a phenomenal range of teaching resources.
    
15. Some of my students have incredible talents in non-scientific areas such as art and music, and I really must make use of this in class.

Memorising The Periodic Table

I had a great teacher when I was doing GCSE Science. Right at the start of year 10, Mr Middleton taught the class how to memorise the first 30 elements of the Periodic Table. I have a feeling I may be one of the only students from that class who can still say 16 years on that I remember all 30 still. Last week, at last, I was able to pass on the story to the next generation, so I'll share it with you too, in case it's useful.

Well, for starters you have to start off with Hydrogen and Helium, but that's not much to remember.

Now I'm going to tell you a story about a Polish lady called LiBe BCNOFNe. She lives in a small town called NaMg, and she has a friend called Al. Al has a rather disgusting habit, because he SiPS Chlorine. He lives neAr Libe in the village of KCa.

What does all this tell you? That Science Tichers are Very Crazy Men.

And you know what? I nearly forgot to mention FeCoNi. He's Al's Italian CuZn.

Alternatively, you could go all out and try to memorise all the elements (albeit not in order) as per Tom Lehrer:

One Who Stops The Flow Of Water

Followers of mine on Twitter will know that the geckos have had some issues settling in. Specifically, Mokele had not eaten anything since she arrived in her new home. She spent the first three days up the polystyrene wall!


Then on Wednesday morning one shoe dropped - there was gecko skin all over the tank and Mokele was looking a bit dishevelled. She was (and still is!) shedding. As the amount of skin seemed disproportionately small compared to the amount she had lost, we think she must have eaten a little of it.

In any case, the advice for reluctant gourmands seemed to be to get some baby food and mix it up into a slurry. So last night Paul and I went to Tesco and spent a good 15 minutes in the baby food aisle discussing whether 10% chicken was better than 8% beef and which meat tasted most like mealworms (I like to think we worried the other shoppers...).

And tonight - success!


This is Mokele actually taking slurry from the syringe (she did lick up the little bead of food at the corner of her mouth later). You can see where she's still shedding along her flank.

The plan of action is more slurry tomorrow and get them up to full strength before heading back to live food (possibly live food coated in slurry).

As an aside, I have decided that it isn't just dog and cat owners who become obsessed with their pets' bowel movements - Paul and I have had long chats about the consistency of the little lizard poopies we're sieving out of the substrate...

The Geckos Arrive

This morning we brought the geckos home. The tank is nice and warm on one side and room temperature on the other side as advised. It was a scary journey home with them - if I could have driven at 10mph all the way I would have done, not least as we had to contend with traffic for this afternoon's London Irish rugby match at Twickers.

So here is Hastur the Unspeakable One, named by Paul and specially selected for her yellow colouring. She seems the quieter of the two, but we shall see if she settles in well:


And this little girl is Mokele-Mbembe, "one who stops the flow of rivers". It seems highly appropriate that she fell in her water dish as soon as she got home. She's definitely more curious about the world at the moment:


The tank will be big enough for them for the next few years, and after that we may invest in one of the actual furniture-like tanks. They are already showing their different personalities - Hastur slunk off to hide under a cactus and Mokele started plotting her escape. She's currently asleep at the very top of the cage under the lamp!


They didn't seem too fussed about eating. Paul dangled a couple of waxworms (the gecko equivalent of a McDonalds meal) in front of them but they weren't interested, so we'll let them get over the shock of being woken up, shoved in a plastic box, driven 20 miles and plonked in a new home and try to get them eating a bit later.

:-D

Decorating The Nursery

Paul and I had an exciting day today, getting ready for our new arrivals. We thought long and hard about pets, and settled on leopard geckos, as Paul fell madly in love with this little chap back in September:


We've been to Pets-Or-Meat and bought the terrarium and some of the other kit. Doesn't it look good? We'll be going back next Saturday to get the geckos themselves.


The substrate will go in soon (we're just seeing if we can get the temperature up to optimum with the heat rock, but I expect we'll need a heat mat too), and some bits and pieces for them to climb on. We've checked out all the food we need to get, along with the food for the food, and have a small arsenal of ungents ready to deal with any veterinary eventuality.

We saw one of the prospective pets passed out in her water dish today. Hope it was nice and cool for her!

The Word "Penis"

Today I had to teach one of my classes about sexual characteristics. It involved mentioning the word "penis". This turned out to be a huge problem. See, apparently the word "penis" is embarrassing, and represents a filthy and depraved organ of the body. Previously rather brazen young men and women were reduced to giggling children, one of which was so appalled by the mention of the word "penis" that she covered her face with her hands. I found myself conjuring the spirit of my mother-in-law (a primary school teacher) and joyfully trilling to the class: "Penis is not a dirty word!!"

Doesn't help matters that when I try to search for good, copyright-free images to use to teach students reproductive anatomy, all the useful sites are blocked by Websense at work for being pornographic, e.g.:


Can't access that at work. I wonder if that means I'm not allowed to draw the diagram freehand on the whiteboard for the students either?

This strange double standard that we have though: these teenagers are probably more worldly and more exposed to sex and sexuality than ever before, and yet they cannot cope with a simple anatomical word. Some of them are old enough to marry, vote, buy alcohol and be killed in Afghanistan, but the word "penis" renders them incapacitated with the giggles for several minutes at a time.

My local GP practice has a nurse, who refers to a urine sample as "a tinkle" and a cervical smear test as "rude stuff". I think my greatest fear for my students is that, despite my efforts, they will become at best coy medical professionals who embarrass their patients with playground terminology (like my nurse), and at worse rather uninformed adults whose own shame could lead to ignorance (and probably far too many babies for them to cope with).

Suppose the religious right would blame it all on snakes, women and apples, but I wish we could all get over the idea that penises and vaginas are something dirty that must never be discussed even within the confines of a biology lab.

What do you think? Am I finally turning into my too-much-information high school biology teacher, who advocated eating placentas and carried around a stick of celery in her labcoat pocket?

When The Gulf Stream Goes Bad

It is a truth universally acknowledged (at least among alumni of the University of Cambridge Department of Earth Sciences) that, if global sea temperatures increase much more, the Gulf Stream will shut down, leaving Britain facing the sorts of winters appropriate for a country between 50° and 60° latitude. Over the past week or so we've certainly been "enjoying" a pretty damn cold winter. For those of us who tend to experience a gentle maritime climate and an average of a USDA Zone 8b or 9a winter, these are tough times. I'm expecting to lose a lot of plants over the season, and my prize Agave tequilana is probably going to be drinkable before its time.

Here's an absolutely astoundingly beautiful image courtesy of NASA:


Click on the link for the BBC News article. Make no mistake, this is highly unusual weather, which hardly ever occurs in the UK. I know all my Canadian, mid-European and Midwest American friends will be laughing at Britain, but imagine dealing with this in a country where no one owns or needs to own snow tyres or snow chains!

I practically skated to the college this morning, and for the past two days, although we have stayed open, I have had about 50% attendance. Temperatures in London are set to go to -8°C, and within about 30 miles of our house, they could get to -18°C tonight. The electric blanket is prepped, and the laptops will be put next to the bed so we can check travel, work and college statuses before gingerly poking our heads out above the duvet.

Great excuse to eat bacon butties for breakfast tomorrow though!

Looking Back, Looking Forward

With just under 10 hours of 2009 left, I suppose it's time I reflected on the year that has passed. All things considered, I don't wish to ever repeat the year. Although there were some high points, the private heartache I've had to deal with nearly broke me. Some were privy to it, and to those of you who showed love, support and a nearly limitless capacity to buy me beer, I am eternally grateful.

On a more uplifting note, 2009 was the year I finally figured out my place in the universe. Back in February, the local further education college was advertising for biology lecturers and I applied, not expecting to get interviewed. I actually did get interviewed, but did not get the position. In the meantime I took 10 days off to help out a UCL fieldtrip to Ainsa, northern Spain, by driving one of the minivans. My role was as a driver rather than demonstrator, but I couldn't resist helping out one group who were logging a stream section.


A postdoc overheard me and asked me if I was a teacher, and then said I had excellent teaching technique and a very clear way of explaining concepts and getting the students to investigate things on their own initiative. It was something I dismissed initially, but over the next month or so I mulled over it.

One day in May, out of the blue, I got a call from the FE college - they wanted to offer me a job. I accepted on the spot. I started in August, initially part-time, and I seem to have hit the ground running. The students like me and I like them. I consider myself pretty liberal, but I'm finding prejudices I didn't even know I had being knocked out of the water. I have one student who wants to be a palaeontologist because of me, and another who will, in a couple of days' time, know whether they've got into Cambridge University. A student who arrived in my class reluctant to smile actually laughed two weeks before Christmas.


I have a long way to go - I'm only four months into a two-year teaching qualification. I have some students who I just cannot see eye-to-eye with. I'm flying by the seat of my pants, and I've done a very dangerous thing - I've shown a degree of competence and IT literacy. This has served to give me more responsibility, more paperwork and more teaching hours.

I'm doomed!

Teaching and lecturing is by far the best thing I have ever done with my life. It is the most rewarding job I have had, and four out of five days it doesn't really feel like I'm "at work". I'm not going to make lots of new year's resolutions, but if I just say that I am going to work damn hard to be the best teacher I can be, and if everything I do works towards that, then I will end 2010 with a smile on my face.

Haloscan, Blogger And Being A Cheapskate

Today, courtesy of @girlonetrack on Twitter, I learned that my Haloscan comments are soon to be no more. Apparently the "death of comments" was announced a while ago. Who knew that commenting on blogs was dead? Certainly none of the people who frequently comment on both my blogs...

I had two options - cough up $9.95 or whatever for the service Haloscan's overlords were peddling (which looked excessive), or get out. So I'm back using the Blogger comments, because I'm not forking out any money for a service I don't know if I want. I've spent the best part of the day tweaking the codes (as the chap who posted on how to remove Haloscan from Blogger put an awful lot of <br/> tags in - I should be marking tests and coursework!!

Unfortunately there's no integration back into Blogger, so while I've exported my Haloscan comments pending a more permanent solution, those comments aren't accessible anymore. There's also no IP address tracking, so I anticipate all sorts of anonymous abuse from the various people I've pissed off in my time. And finally, the "recent comments" feed I have to the left hand side has dredged up some comments from over two years ago - as the posts no longer exist, I can't delete the comments from the feed! So quick as you can, people, leave a comment so Paul isn't reminded that I called him Pooface in May 2007...

Marking will resume when the blogs are sorted out. And I am sure there will be some howlers for your delight and pleasure.

Fractal Christmas Dinner

I did it. Two and a half years after mentioning it on the blog, I finally got to try a Romanesco broccoli!


Paul and I had it with our roast pheasant for Christmas dinner. It does taste very similar to a cross between regular broccoli and cauliflower. And the fractal effect is even more noticeable with the Romanesco than it is with cauliflower or broccoli.

They are expensive to buy - about twice the price of regular broccoli at our local farm shop. But fortunately we have an allotment now, so we can grow our own!

Anyone else have any cool science food for Christmas dinner?